No I haven't broke up with anyone lately, for I haven't been with anybody lately. Here I'm just inspired by the story of a friend of mine, whom I hope will forgive this use of her mishaps as a start for a general reflexion on love and, more specifically, its ending.
What leads to a breaking up is hard to know beforehand. There would probably be no separation then, for one could see it coming and thus act in order to try to avoid it. There are as many possible reasons as there have been breaking-ups in the whole story of Mankind.
Still, sometimes, things just don't work, or don't work anymore.
Whose fault is that ? Sometimes (and quite frequently indeed) nobody's, for being oneself is hardly criticizable at all... And being oneself is often the one reason why you end up tiring your once-significant other.
Just because one gets tired of this special person one loved for a while doesn't mean the soon-to-be-ex is supposed to enter a fit of mad anger, stopping to think, and talking much faster than one should...
Well, I hear you thinking from here... "Love is passion, and passion is uncontrolable...".
True enough. Still, people should always remain conscious of a very simple fact that eases everything : in our "occidental" societies (at least), women are now considered (at least theoretically) equal to men. AND slavery is commonly recognized as a crime (and thus abolished).
Knowing this, people should always remain conscious that your significant other doesn't belong to you. He/She is just another fully free human being, free to give you Love at a time for no reason at all and stop giving it for the same absence of reason.
And any person who wants to deserve being considered as a responsible adult should, in my opinion, understand and respect this freedom.
I know how painful it can be, but this is your pain, your friends are here to help you deal with it, you are absolutely not entitled to try to turn it back towards your recent ex.
And as far as friends and relatives are concerned, their role should not be to show you what an awful person your ex was, but to distract you from a painful topic... By changing your ideas by any means necessary.
In my opinion, couple stories are (or should be) of very little concern to anybody not concerned (that is [world poplation] minus 2) anyway.
Reactions and thoughts welcome.
Stay tuned.
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6 comments:
Thank you for that ...
"He/She is just another fully free human being, free to give you Love at a time for no reason at all and stop giving it for the same absence of reason."
even if I understand your way of thinking (freedom of people and so on), don't you think that after breaking up with somebody you loved for quite a long time (in fact, length does'nt matter, just consider a "serious" relationship) you sort of "owe" him/her , explanation, just by respect for him/her, for the passionate moments you had together, for the part of his/her life he or she decided to share with you? being oneself is a thing, being respectful is another.
ok, giving a reason for breaking up will not change a thing "for real", but it may help to understand, and some people need to understand :) "I dont owe you an explanation" is, in my opinion, quite selfish , direspectful, and "immature". you need to bring up some empathy sometimes, human has been made to be a social entity ;)
Wow, your blog make people "think", and practice english. He'll become soon essential :-D
Well, sure, Martial... Giving a honest reason for a breaking up is important, I don't deny that, specially when it comes to long-term relationships... But sometimes there is just no reason at all, love's gone and that's it. And it should be accepted as such.
ok no prob, "love's gone" maybe a good reason too , I agree ;)
I think love doesn't disappear like some smoke, usualy I think that when you "loose" your love for apparently no reason it's because of boredom. Little by little a relationship becomes rotten if there is no surprise or something new. It just becomes old and boring, and then you just don't feel excited to be with that person... then comes the breaking up. This asks the question of the "True love" the one that keeps strong even if things get in a routine. Does it exist ? Maybe, but then it's not an excuse to let a relationship get rotten.
Dellamowi_k : You're right... Still, there are plenty of reasons that can make love go away without much warning... And sometimes one's just not able to express them at the moment, even though one might realize what they are afterwards.
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